Is it one who understands all the social rules, nuances, and is able to break down any social interaction? Imagine seeing a person and noting “tone: friendly,” “background: X,” and so on as it happens. Evaluating all the real-time variables for why people are the way they are. And you’ve experienced enough similar situations to know what sort of scripts lead to what sort of outcomes.
But do they also know it’s a script and a game? You think you’re saying a script in a certain way, but they also know how to respond.
What about the person who shouts loudly in a fast food parking lot in a brazen act of pure and true feeling? Different from someone who shouts to draw attention to a scene on purpose.
A friend told me what I was looking for is “authenticity”. thx S.
I guess this question bothers me a lot because as people get older, they become less authentic. They say things to not hurt others’ feelings rather than interjecting with their own opinions. doctors try to phrase things so patients can take things well.
It appears that authenticity is closely tied to not having opinions, because if you conceal your opinions, then you’re inauthentic. Kids often have no opinions, hence why they can be authentic. I suppose not having strongly held opinions can serve the same function.
and people conceal their feelings and opinions to distract, confuse, and get an advantage over other people. but sometimes you have to. think of the queen of england or someone in a high position. she has to be strong to give her people hope. this is inauthentic, but someone in this position has to do it. think of the alternative—people scattering because they have no hope. not everyone can have a heart of steel.
sometimes people convince themselves that being inauthentic is for the better good, like adults making things simple for kids. is it really though? maybe some kids can’t handle it. but that’s doing them a disservice because they’ll have to face tough things in life eventually. I don’t think inauthenticity in the name of protecting people is worth it, because i have faith in people. i have faith that they’ll be able to learn and grow and handle things. you’re only inauthentic if you don’t believe in other people. if you want to make things ‘easy’ for others and yourself only for it to be harder later on. if you won’t accept others’ reactions as they are.
so i will choose to be authentic because i believe in other people. i believe they’ll be able to handle it. i believe i’ll be able to handle it.
of course, it’s different from being mean. and it’s different from always interjecting your opinion into a situation. and if the situation doesn’t matter, you can go by the social nuances. and of course people don’t have to be truthful to those who will use it to do bad things.
assigning an objective better to the shouter in a fast food restaurant versus the social situation understander isn’t really possible. sometimes you have to shout and make a scene to get things done. other times an emotional display isn’t most suitable. sometimes you have to be inauthentic to protect something. but if you go through most situations in life trying to trick people, that’s probably a problem. if you can do both, you have more tools, and you can pick the right tool for the situation. as long as you strive for authenticity because you believe in other people, that’s good enough.
i wonder if an organization that naturally promotes transparency and truth is the safest structure against bad actors. perhaps it’s like blockchain: everyone has the most recent updates, any liar gets found out for their inconsistency. i guess the thing with authenticity is that you have to believe in the long run that it’s better for not just others, but for yourself. it’s better to have a bunch of allies who understand what you’re doing rather than misleading the blind to achieve your aims. this might speak to the modern era, where there’s simply too much information out there for lies and deception to work well.
and the honest and meek shall in this way triumph over the evil that has found its way in our world.